I'm Hilary, a UX/VUI designer,
but this is where I talk skincare.
Exploring new skincare methods and products has expanded beyond just my Instagram, I have a lot more to say. I'm starting this blog so that I can share my search for solutions –both literal and figurative– to longtime, seasonal, occasional, and/or I-guess-this-is-what-my-skin-is-doing-now issues.
I will always give honest reviews, no matter what.
I care deeply about mental health. My approach to skin-care and self care is somewhat psychodermatological: finding new rituals and healthy replacement behaviours to heal the physical and psychological scars that come with a life time of depression, anxiety, and self harm.
#SelfCare often becomes about beauty products on Instagram, and I'm guilty of perpetuating that.
But, this is me encouraging you to find whatever care it is that you truly need. Maybe that *is* a face mask/bath/10 step Korean skincare ritual, or maybe it's caring for your mental health.
If you were waiting for a sign to talk to your doctor, find a new doctor, start therapy, seek medication: this is the sign.
That being said, as a society action must be taken on a daily basis for change to happen. Once annual marches or social media campaigns are a step in the right direction, but they are only one step. Before I knew the word for it, I was tortured by anxiety and depression. I didn't get the help I needed until I was 25, because I believed the lie that taking medication would damage my creativity. I started self harming via Dermatillomania in kindergarten and honestly still wrestle with it now. I'm still alive, even though I didn't have an answer for my therapist when she asked me why I hadn't killed myself, despite having intrusive suicidal thoughts on and off for over 10 years.
I'm so thankful that I lucked in to the privilege, access, structural advantages that enabled me to eventually get the help that I desperately needed so that I could stabilize my psyche and begin to heal.
It was very difficult to talk about something that I have not only struggled with and felt shame about for a long time, but continue to work through every day. One way that I have found to deal with my compulsive urges to pick at or "clean" my skin (dermatillomania) is through skin care. By developing intentional routines of replacement behaviour to cleanse, moisturize, and care for this part of my body that has been the target of my compulsive behaviour, I have been able to drastically cut down on the amount and types of damage that I have done to myself. I have also been having laser spot treatments done every month to get rid of scars on my cheeks from picking at acne.
It's a process, and certainly can be an expensive one. However, that in itself is a motivator to not pick at my skin, since decadent creams are all for not if I am going to negate the effects with picking.
There's been a lot of discussion lately about skin care products and the industry at large, and that's something I'll get into another time, but for today I just want to say that skincare is what helps me manage my anxiety symptoms every day.
Yes, lots of people have issues with mental illness, but that doesn't mean that what you're feeling is not worthy of getting a professional medical opinion on. Please, PLEASE get professional help.
As you've already read, I am going to be –at times– painfully honest on this blog. I will always disclose plainly when I have been given a product, have been asked by a company to review a product. Since this isn't my job, nor do I want it to be: I won't talk about products that I don't actually give a shit about. I just want to help myself heal, and share information that I find along the way in hopes that it helps someone else.